|I resent this about my partner (specific behavior):|
|My partner’s perspective of the thing I resent (how he or she would describe it – how he/she experiences it):|
|How is my partner perceiving me in regard to this issue?|
|This is how I will access my core value (make myself feel lovable and adequate as a partner) before addressing this issue:|
|This is how I’ll show value and compassion for my partner as I address this issue:|
|The specific behavior change I want to request of my partner:|
Make an exhaustive list of everything – large and small, serious and trivial – that you resent about your partner. (Do not share the list!)
Read it aloud – to yourself – into a digital recorder and play it back before filling out the exercise. The added objectivity should prompt you to cross off the lesser items that aren’t all that bad when isolated from the rest of the chain of resentment. You will be left with the more serious items to process with the above exercise.
Only after you complete the exercise should you try to negotiate about issues. Negotiation is impossible with resentment.
(This exercise could take hours, but the effort is worth it.) Each time the resentment recurs, do the Resentment Resolution Exercise.