The Love without Hurt Boot Camp helps overcome the pain of living with chronic resentment, anger, or emotional abuse.
Nevertheless, your partner may not readily agree to attend a Boot Camp.
He or she is likely to blame you for the problems of the relationship and, therefore, will not be highly motivated to change.
When living with a resentful or angry person, you can easily get stuck in a pendulum of pain:
“When my partner heals whatever hurt seems to cause the resentment and anger, then he/she will be more compassionate.”
The truth is:
Your partner will not heal without becoming more compassionate.
Compassion is the healing emotion.
It breaks the stranglehold of habituated blaming and temporary narcissism…
By putting us in touch with our most humane values.
However, your compassion will heal you, not your partner.
In demanding change from your partner, your emotional demeanor is more important than the words you use.
It must have conviction.
Conviction stems from the belief that, for your family to have a better life, your partner must learn to sustain compassion.
It’s important to see your partner not as the enemy, but as someone who is betraying his or her deepest values by mistreating you.
Approach your partner with compassion, and say something like the following, in your own words:
“Neither of us is being the partner we want to be. I know that I am not, and I’m pretty sure that in your heart you don’t like the way we react to each other.”
“If we go on like this, we’ll begin to hate ourselves.”
“It’s hurting our children as well as us.”
“We have to become more understanding, sympathetic, and valuing of one another, for all our sakes.”
“I’m going to attend the boot camp, and I hope that you will attend as well.”
You are most humane when you model compassion and insist that your partner do the same.