emotional abuse
Leaders in Emotional Health and Growth

Emotional Abuse

pexels-rdne-stock-project-6003561

How to Eliminate It

Anger/Resentment

anger treatment

How to Regulate It

Anxiety

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 1

How to Calm It

Emotional Healing

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 2

All You Need to Heal & Grow

Relationship Health

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 3

And Renewal

Core Value Eating

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 4

Change Eating Habits

Addictions 

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 5

Relapse Prevention

Love’s Challenges
And Secrets

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 6

Consult
Dr. Stosny

Emotional Abuse, Anger, Healing 7

Books by Dr. Steven Stosny

Children’s Kindles

Free Stuff

About Us

Join Our Mailing List

Email Us

 

 

 

Photo: Vija Rindo Pratama

Emotional Abuse:
Subtle Signs

Partners don’t try to understand each other’s perspectives.

Yet they make negative judgments about them.

This stems from intolerance of differences. 

Leads to dismissive, devaluing behavior.

One or both partners prefers to blame rather than focus on how to make things right. 

Blame gives a dose of adrenaline, which temporarily increases energy and confidence.

Once blaming becomes habit, the brain does it automatically to get adrenaline.

We build tolerance to adrenaline. It takes ever more of it to get same energy and confidence.

Blame will certainly get worse. It leads to devaluing and demeaning behavior. 

One tells the other how to think and feel, in an attempt “to be helpful.”

This shows a lack of respect for the other’s individuality.

font-size: 20px; font-family: trebuchet ms, geneva, sans-serif;”>It will worsen to the extent that the integrity of one is sacrificed to the ego of the other.

One or both partners show remorse for hurtful remarks or behavior, but not compassion.

Remorse comes after hurtful behavior and focuses on how bad he/she feels.

Compassion prevents hurtful behavior.

Compassion is self-enhancing. Remorse is self-devaluing.

The devalued self is more likely to abuse than the valued self.

One or both partners withdraw affection and connection in the face of disagreement. 

The implication is that a partner isn’t worth loving unless they agree. 

“You’re too sensitive!”

Implies that there’s something wrong with you for being hurt by hurtful remarks or behavior.

One or both partners imply that the other is incompetent or not smart.

This attitude will eventually justify controlling and dominating behavior.

One partner regards the other as inferior in some way.

This will be expressed in increasingly overt and hurtful ways.

Sarcasm

Sarcasm expresses hostility in a socially sanctioned way.

One or both partners are walking on eggshells to avoid a disappointed look in your partner.

 

Why Anger-Management
Doesn’t Work

It relies on conscious thinking.

Most emotions are habits. Habits are much faster than conscious thinking.

Before you know you’re angry, you want to put someone down.

Before you know you’re sad, you want to drink or overeat.

You won’t recall your diet or health resolutions.

You’ll forget promises to your spouse.

Mr. Hyde won’t remember what Dr. Jekyll learned in anger-management class.

 

Reduce Anger with
“Emotion Push-ups”

A brief exercise, 12 times a day for six weeks will prevent most anger and destructive behavior.

You’ll be more flexible.

You won’t overeat or drink too much.

You’ll have more interest and enjoyment.

By the time we’re adults, most emotions are conditioned

We feel more or less the same way when certain things happen in certain physical and mental states.

“Conditioned” means:

After repeated association of A with B…

When A happens, B happens automatically.

“A” can be cues in the environment (something happens or somebody does something):

The bell rings, the dog gets excited.

Your phone vibrating you reach for it.

The sound of laughter makes you feel happy, guilty, ashamed, or sad.

“A” can be physiological states:

Tired, hungry, thirsty, cold, hot, too much caffeine, sugar, nicotine, or alcohol.

“A” can be a mental state:

Certain thoughts or memories.

 

 

 

 

See Dr. Stosny’s Blog on Psychology Today.