Is Marriage Hard?

I am asked all the time by the press why marriage is so difficult. To back up their question, interviewers cite the horrendously high number of divorces, reports of distressed marriages, and cases of abuse, not to mention those ever increasing numbers of people who are deciding not to marry at all.

I usually reply to the inevitable “marriage is hard” question with another question: “For whom is marriage hard?”  

In fact, marriage is only hard for those who:

• Try to make their partners into someone they are not
• Believe they have superior rights, tastes, preferences, beliefs, or morality
• Are unwilling to use binocular vision to see their partner’s perspectives alongside their own
• Are convinced that their partners are selfish, mentally ill, or defective
• Are unable to admire their partners’ strengths and meet their vulnerabilities with compassion and support.

If you are one of those people, marriage will seem impossible. If you’re not, it’s just about negotiation.

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