Friday, May 09 2008

Save Your Love, Marriage, Children, Job, Health

The tests on this page are designed to measure the kind of anger that anger management classes fail to address.

What Anger, Resentment, Impatience, Jealousy & Aggression Tell You

• Something you value seems threatened
• Your value as a person seems threatened
• Your values are in conflict
• You devalue those you value

Love, Anger & Resentment Facts
Many subtle and hidden forms of anger, resentment, and aggression as well as obvious ones, ruin health, love, and relationships.

Anger, resentment, and impatience:

• Increase risk of many deadly disorders, including heart disease, stroke, cancer, high blood pressure
• Increase risk of depression, anxiety, alcoholism, drug-addiction, and other compulsive behavior, such as workaholism and extra-marital affairs, are strongly associated with anger and resentment
• Reduce performance competence while raising performance expectations
• Increase error rates and misjudgments
• Make you a reactaholic - when other people "push your buttons," you’re a powerless reactor
• Eventually ruin intimacy and sex life
• Create power struggles
• Cause behavior impulses to:
  • Control/neutralize
  • Warn-threaten-intimidate
  • Inflict injury on feelings
  • Inflict injury on the body
• Eliminate positive passion (conviction, meaning, intensity of purpose) through compulsion to avenge, punish, or withdrawal.

Check each of the following, if you felt it during the past week

• If people would cooperate you would not have most of your problems___
• Losing temper easily ___
• Angry ___
• Annoyed ___
• Feeling rage ___
• Impatience ___
• Why can’t people do what they should? ___
• Restless ___
• Feeling hate ___
• Furious ___
• Hot-tempered___
• Trouble sleeping ___
• Feeling hostile __
• Infuriated ___
• Can't relax ___
• Enraged ___
• Irritated by other people ___
• Feel like attacking people ___
• Shaking with anger ___
• Mad ___

More than three check marks? HEALS can help.

Resentment Test

Home

Resentment Test

Save Your Marriage, Children, Job, Health

A chain of resentment precedes most anger problems, even the extreme ones that become violent.

When you notice that someone is resentful or complaining, do you:

• Identify with the situations he or she describes? ____
• Identify with the people being complained about? ____
• Think about the way they should have handled these situations? ____
• Does the word, "compassion" sometimes irritate you? ____

Do you ever feel:

• Taken advantage of? ____
• Manipulated? ____
• Unappreciated? ____
• Like whatever you do is not enough? ____
• Like all you get from loved ones is a few crumbs now and then? ____
• Like people rarely consider your feelings? ____
• Like nobody understands you? ____
• Like hardly anything works the way it should? ____
• That you give more than you get? ____
• That you work harder than others for the same reward? ____
• That people hold you to a higher standard? ____
• That you sometimes feel like nothing matters anyway? ____
• Why should I be the only one who bothers?” ____
•  All I've done for him/her and look what…” ____
• That you can't get over how unfair it is? ____
• That you'd like to get back at those jerks? ____

More than three checks?
Here's an even better indicator, one closer to the heart of the matter. You have a resentment problem:

If some subtle form of resentment that you may not even be aware of, makes you do something against your best interest, or keeps you from doing something that is in your best interest.

The harmful things resentment makes you do and the good things it keeps you from doing can be subtle and completely unconscious, like putting an emotional wall between you and someone you love. You don’t mean to do it and are probably unaware of doing it. Nevertheless, it can set in motion a chain reaction of behaviors that will ruin your health and your life.

HEALS

Impatience Test

Home

Save Your Marriage, Children, Job, Health

When you're in a hurry or need to get things done or just in the course of an ordinary day, do you:

• Lose track of other people's perspectives? ____
• Understand how they feel? ____
• Care how they feel? ____
• Think only about the way things should be handled? ____
• Understand how they feel? ____
• Feel disgusted by other people's choices? ____
• Feel taken advantage of? ____
• Held back? ____
• Manipulated? ____
• Like hardly anything works the way it should? ____
• Like the world is full of jerks? ____

HEALS

Love, anger, and violence at home test

Home

Save Your Marriage, Children, Job, Health

When I am angry at my spouse (or significant other) and I think about his or her point of view or how she is feeling:

1. I feel angrier ____
2. I feel kinder ____
3. I feel warmer ____
4. I feel furious ____
5. I don't care about his or her point of view, at least not until I cool down ____
6. I feel patient ____
7. I feel like I should give support and sympathy ____
8. I feel like I should apologize for hurting his or her feelings ____
9. I feel charitable, forgiving ____
10. I find that I can't think about what he or she is feeling until I calm down ____
11. I wish he or she would just see it the right way ____
12. Why should I see it their way, they don't see my point of view ____

Subtract checks on b, c, f, g, h, i from checks on a, d, e, j, k, l.

HEALS

Home