Anger takes many forms. Resentment, impatience, jealousy, irritability, and aggressive impulses are just a few. Anger management does little for any form of anger caused by the following perceptions:
- Something you value seems threatened
- Your value as a person seems threatened
- Your personal values are in conflict.
The following quizzes will help you gauge the extent that resentment or anger has taken over your life.
- Anger Management – General Quiz
- Anger Management – Resentment Test
- Anger Management – Impatience Test
- Anger Management in Relationships
- Anger Junkie Test
- Anger Management Failures
- Living with a Resentful or Angry Partner
- In Intimate Relationships, It’s Compassion or Resentment
- Anger Management Quotes
Part I. In general:
I dwell on things that bother me___
I have trouble listening to people who disagree with me___
I tried to point out mistakes and flaws in other people___
Some people think I have a sarcastic sense of humor___
Some people think I’m insensitive___
It doesn’t take much to get me angry___
I sometimes hold onto resentments___
I often feel disrespected or treated unfairly by more than one person___
When something goes wrong, the most important think is finding out who’s to blame.___
Total number of checks X 2 ___
Part II: During the past week, I felt:
Tense, tensed up ___
Losing temper easily ___
Irritated by other people ___
Total number of checks X 1___
Part III: During the past week, I felt:
Like attacking people ___
Total number of checks x 3 ____
Total Score: add totals from Parts I, II, III.___
Anger Management Quiz Scoring Key
Under 9: Congratulations, your level of anger is not bad. You might take this test occasionally to be sure it stays that way.
10-19: Anger is becoming a problem for you. You may be on edge about what might make you angry next.
20 and above: Anger is on the verge of taking over your life and your relationships, if it has not already.
Many subtle and obvious forms of anger ruin health, love, and relationships. Anger, resentment, and impatience:
- Increase the risk of many deadly disorders. These include heart disease, stroke, cancer, high blood pressure.
- Increase the risk of depression and anxiety.
- Increase the risk of alcoholism and drug addiction.
- Increase the risk of compulsive behavior. (Examples: workaholism, extramarital affairs)
- Reduce performance while raising expectations – you expect to do better but don’t do as well
- Increase error rates and misjudgments
- Make you a reactaholic – other people “push your buttons”
- Eventually ruin intimacy and sex life
- Create power struggles
- Replace positive passion with compulsion to avenge, punish, or withdrawal.
- Cause behavior impulses to:
- Inflict emotional or physical injury.
Anger Management in Relationships Test
Please put a check next to all that apply.
When I am angry at my spouse (or significant other) and I think about his or her feelings:
- I feel angrier ____
- I feel kinder ____
- I feel warmer ____
- I feel furious ____
- I don’t care about his or her point of view, at least not until I cool down ____
- I feel patient ____
- I feel like I should give support and sympathy ____
- I feel like I should apologize for hurting his or her feelings ____
- I feel charitable, forgiving ____
- I find that I can’t think about what he or she is feeling until I calm down ____
- I wish he or she would just see it the right way ____
- Why should I see it their way, they don’t see my point of view ____
Subtract checks on b, c, f, g, h, i from checks on a, d, e, j, k, l.
Anger Management in Relationships Scoring Key
Any positive number indicates a potentially serious problem in your relationship.
Do you often feel that:
- Things are unfair?
- You’re not getting the help, appreciation, consideration, praise, reward, or affection you deserve?
- Good things happen to people less deserving than you?
If so, you’re you’re caught on the relentless treadmill of resentful living.
Resentment builds under the radar. By the time you’re aware of it, it’s in an advanced state. At that point, it:
- Blocks natural compassion for loved ones
- Forms a self-linking chain of events that makes you look for things to resent
- Starts a downward spiral of bickering, irritability, cold shoulders, emotional shutdown, and angry outbursts. Eventually it causes emotional abuse.
Here are the early signs that resentment is building to danger levels in love relationships. Either you or your partner is:
- Irritated by things you used to think were cute – facial expressions, laughter, tone of voice, manner of dress, etc.
- Losing interest in most forms of intimacy – talking, touch, hugging, sharing, sex
The following are advanced signs that resentment has become dangerous. Either you or your partner is:
- Judgmental about the other’s perspective without being curious to learn more about it
- Irritated by how the other feels
- Intolerant of differences – “No!” and “Mine!”
The RED ZONE:
- Your partner seems bent on making you feel bad, irritating you or pushing your buttons
- Your partner ignores or disregards you.
- Your partner tries to hurt your feelings
- It feels like you’re sleeping with the enemy.
Please place a check after each that applies:
I often feel take advantage of___
I sometimes feel manipulated___
I don’t feel appreciated___
I’m often treated unfairly___
All I get from my significant other is a few crumbs now and then___
Other people get more reward or notice from less effort than I make___
Most people are just concerned about themselves___
The most important people in my life don’t consider my feelings___
What I think and feel doesn’t matter to others___
I get frustrated when people don’t behave the way they should___
I feel like I give more than I get in return___
I feel like I am judged by a higher standard than others___
I often fantasize about getting back at jerks___
Sometimes the word, “compassion” irritates me___
I hate it when someone mentions things they’ve done for me___
If you’re not careful, you’ll be cheated most of the time___
I don’t get enough help___
I have to put up with more crap than a lot of other people___
I have a hard time getting my mind off problems when someone doesn’t behave like they should___
I have trouble thinking about a solution when someone else is to blame___
Total Score (add all the checks)___
Anger Management – Resentment Scoring Key
0-5: Congratulations, your level of resentment is not bad.
6-10: Resentment is becoming a problem for you. You may expect to be disappointed. In response, you may start looking for things to resent.
11 and above: You are entering the red zone of resentment, from where it can easily take over your emotional life without you ever knowing it.
170-190: Your tendency is to blame rather than improve. You must choose between blaming and improving – you cannot do both.
200-210: Resentment is chronic.
Above 210: Resentment is moving toward contempt and bitterness.
Please put a check after each that applies.
When I’m in a hurry or need to get things done or just in the course of an ordinary day, I:
Lose track of other people’s perspectives ___
Fail to understand or care about how they feel ___
Feel disgusted by their choices ___
Feel held back ___
Feel like hardly anything works the way it should ___
Feel like the world is full of jerks___
Total Score (add all the checks)___
Anger Management – Impatience Scoring Key
0-1: Congratulations, you’re not too impatient.
2-3: Impatience is causing you a few problems.
3 and above: Impatience may be impairing your relationships and setting you up for failure.
Image By 29cm from Hong Kong (Dark sunrise) [CC BY-SA 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons